I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
