guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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