i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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