hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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