So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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