as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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