Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
