This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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