did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
