The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
