my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
