I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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