i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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