Sponge bath it is.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
