ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
