it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
