Pappa wants mamma naked
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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