After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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