I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
