All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
