sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He shit in the fireplace
I think my moral compass just broke
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
