i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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