I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
