just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
