Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
