shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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