so explain again why im purple
no
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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