awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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