Who wears a wallet chain?!
I am spending my child support on dildos
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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