I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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