I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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