I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
