Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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