dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
