Your dad touched me again.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
