i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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