I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
