Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize