I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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