I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize