My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
