After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
