So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize