i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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