Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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