I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
