just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
