Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize