Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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