So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
