I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
