I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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