Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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