Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
