did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
