Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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