none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
