i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize