There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
