I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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