My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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