I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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