Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry Da_420_Man hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(303): View more from Colorado

The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.

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(713): View more from Texas

The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...

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(951): View more from California

I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.

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(801): View more from Utah

I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.

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(469): View more from Texas

I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.

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