he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
