today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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