I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize